What's going on at Nuke'em High?: Return to Nuke'em High Review

Nuke 2

Mutated glee club members, a giant male reproductive organ, a crazed duck,nudity, lesbionic Jekyll and Hyde,Obama care, it’s all here in Return to Nuke’em High Volume 1 along with a special appearance by Stan “The Man” Lee and Lemmy of Motorhead, and I loved every single second of it.

The original film was satire of what would happen in a nuclear fall out. When a young people buy some marijuana tainted by a leak in the local power plant. I won’t rehash the story any further than that, because that’s not what this review is about.  Let’s fast forward to 2014 shall we?

This film begins with a strange side effect from chemicals put in Tromorganic foods, because let’s face it what people are putting in their bodies these days is a much hotter issue than nuclear meltdowns. The film stars the beautiful Asta Paredes as Chrissy a popular girl going to Tromaville High School, who is concerned with what’s really going on at the Tromorganics food plant. She has a boyfriend Eugene played by the great Clay Von Carlowitz, a typical meathead sex obsessed jock(?) who gets a pretty big surprise later in the movie.

Enter precocious new girl Lauren, played by the equally beautiful Catherine Corcoran. Chrissy and her friends pick on Lauren, but you can sense some slight sexual tension between Chrissy and Lauren. On one fateful Taco Tuesday (Why didn’t I ever have taco Tuesday in school?) the Tromaville glee clubs opts for the” healthier” option of Tromorganic tacos. One of the members dies pretty much immediately, but the rest, even the wheel chair bound member is mutated into a vicious Cretin, even the wheel chair. now the Cretins terrorize the poor pupils and faculty of Tromaville high.

Can our star-crossed lovers save the day? Sadly we won’t find out until Return to Nuke’em High Volume 2. The film ends on a cliff hanger that is a great homage to the shower scene in Carrie. Though before the end we get to see the lovers go through a Jekyll and Hyde-esque transformation that you have to see to believe. The entire cast does an incredible job. Is it a little silly? Of course it is, but that’s what makes Troma movies so great. I am a proud Tromaville citizen (if you couldn’t already tell).

If you are easily offended, this movie is definitely not for you. On the other hand if you don’t mind satirical jokes about politics, sexual orientation, and even former Penn State coach/athletic director, whatever the hell he was, I don’t know, I don’t follow sports, Jerry Sandusky this is for you. Did I forget to say it’s extremely gory, has a lot of nudity,and has a mutated DUCK? What more could a B horror fan ask for? Go out there and buy Return to Nuke’em High now, it’s going for the extremely cheap price of $10 USD for such a great satirical B movie instant classic! This an A+ all across the board in my opinion.

Tags: 2014 Asta Paredes Catherine Corcoran Clay Von Carlowitz Cretins Lesbian Couple Lloyd Kaufman Low Brow Offensive Sexual Confusion Troma Tromaville

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