Master P’s Horror Film ‘Don’t Be Scared’: What the…?

 Released via DVD on October 24th 2006, Don’t Be Scared makes The Last Airbender look like Enter the Dragon.

The late Richard Corliss would have given his master’s degree in film studies back to Columbia University if he had the unfortunate privilege of watching this film.

 I’ve always been a fan of Master P a.k.a. Percy Miller, who directs this film. His business mind transcends many others who would dream to have his business acumen. However… this approximately $10,000 investment is by far his worst.

The audio is terrible *Charles Barkley Voice*. The dialogue was written by whoever wrote Romeo Miller’s “I’m so ICDC” song snippet for his ICDC College commercial. Speaking of that advertisement, I would rather watch that on a one hour loop while consuming a poison ivy-infused salad with a vinaigrette dressing which consisted of Leon White’s perspiration.

Cinematic techniques are void throughout the film. IF there was an assistant director on set, he or she never bothered to yell “action background” to the extras- who provided nothing but extraordinarily bad performances.

The same could be said for the entire cast. The continuity, sound, and camera teams apparently never sent any progress reports to the production office. Daily call sheets probably noted how to be abysmal in front of a camera.

To further my currently disconsolate manner, Jewel Shuping must have watched Don’t Be Scared prior to asking her psychologist to pour drain cleaner into her pupils. If there is anyone who considers this a “good” horror flick, they’re either smoking dog hair or snorting dandruff. Or Gary Busey.

I will always consider P. MIller to be an inspiration; but not in terms of film-making. In 2013, Forbes estimated his wealth to be $350,000,000. And yet, just seven years earlier, he wasted $10,000 on a non-profitable movie. That’s like me throwing a penny in a fountain. Or attempting to drown myself in the aforementioned fountain and ruining my suit and tie.

If I had to rate Don’t Be Scared  I would give it one out of five stars. Subsequently, that star would supernova and it’s light would slowly fade away. Miller made em’ say uhh alright. Or was it ugh, as Charlie Brown would say?

If you’ve seen this film or its trailer, dial 1-800-273-8255. Then come back to 1428 Elm for all your horror requisites. Don’t forget to comment as well while I attempt to repress the memory of watching this film.

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