So you’ve got a poltergeist–don’t worry–these things happen. Luckily, I’m here to help.
I’ve got a few tips and tricks to get rid of the bastard. Granted, these are all from movies, but you aren’t allowed to lie in movies, so these are guaranteed to work.* Here are 5 ways to get rid of a poltergeist (according to movies)!
Warning: this article is FULL of spoilers, so read with caution.
*These are not guaranteed to work, please don’t try these at home. If you have a poltergeist, just burn down your house and collect the insurance**
**Don’t do that either.
5. Hire An Old Lady
Old ladies are key in getting rid of poltergeists; they’re usually wise and full of psychic powers. If I’ve learned anything from movies, is that you bring in an old lady and she will get that poltergeist to move his punk ass out of your house.
In Insididous, the Lamberts contact Elise Reiner. Elise is a well dressed and sweet woman, who comes equipped with her own paranormal geek squad. She helps the Lamberts through their terrible situation concerning their son and a demon (trying not to give away any spoilers), and goes on her merry way.
Until the second movie–this is when she comes back more bad ass than ever. She risks her own life to try to help the poor Lamberts once again from being plagued by another creepy as hell entity. She gets a ton of awesome old lady points.
That brings me to Tangina…
We met Tangina in Poltergeist. Don’t let this high pitched lady’s small stature fool you, she is one mean ghost hunter. Did you watch the video? Don’t give Tangina no lip, just do what you’re told and you’ll have all your poltergeist dispelling needs met.
So now you know, if you have a poltergeist, go grab an old lady. If she fights you, whisper, “I know your secrets,” take her to your house, and she will happily get rid of those pesky ghosts.