How To Get Rid Of A Poltergeist (According To Movies)
By Shelby Scott
Dude, nothing is working. You can’t take living in the hellish nightmare anymore. It’s time to pack up your My Little Pony collection and hit the road. Try to find something newly built (and not on top of Native American burial grounds). What’s the worst that can happen? Ghosts can’t follow you!
Take ‘Sinister’, for example, Ellison Oswalt, a true crime novelist, and his family move into a home where a family was once brutally murdered. The locals are pissed, and according to Ellison’s wife, they usually are. This is because Ellison has a weird thing for actually living in the places where the crimes he writes about were committed. Because he’s an artist. Or whatever. Anyway, the locals don’t like him exploiting these tragedies for his own personal gain.
So, Ellison is exploring their attic and finds a box of old Super 8 videos. They’ve all got pretty innocuous titles (Pool Party ’66, BBQ ’79, Family Hanging Out ’11, etc), but this is a ruse! A ruuuuuse!!
These are very disturbing, and, in some cases, very gory snuff films of entire families being murdered by an unseen killer. Ellison notices that in Pool Party, a demonic face is at the bottom of a pool, watching the family drown. Instead of moving his family the hell out of there– or you know, handing all of this evidence over to the police–Ellison begins to ‘Beautiful Mind’ the crap out of the films. He starts making weird charts and doing all kinds of research on demons.
Eventually, he cracks the code, and realizes that each family was only murdered after they lived in and moved from the house the the previous murder was committed in.
All sorts of scary stuff ensues, and he beats the demon, Mr. Boogie. So they move out of the murder house.
You read that right.
He moves out of the murder house.
If you don’t understand what I’m getting at, then watch the movie.
Watch it anyway, it’s the scariest and most disturbing movie I’ve ever seen. (I know commenters, I’m stupid and there are waaaaay scarier and more disturbing movies, have I ever heard of A Serbian Film? Look, this movie is just more subtle and it really stuck with me, if you haven’t seen it, go download it ASAP.)
OH DEAR GOD DID YOU SEE THAT THING?!
I think it’s about time to…