How To Get Rid Of A Poltergeist (According To Movies)

1. Give Up, You’re Doomed

Wow, so moving didn’t work?

I hate to break it to you, but you are not going to make it out of this alive. Go ahead–burn sage, call those guys from TAPS, consult a crystal ball–but alas, it will all be for naught. We have a whole series of movies explaining why–

Paranormal Activity introduced us to Katie and Micah, a loving couple living in a sweet cookie cutter pad in San Diego. Micah has just bought a new camera to document all of the weird things that have been happening to them lately. They’ve been experiencing the basics: lights flickering, weird noises, etc. Katie keeps insisting they just leave it alone, but Micah just has to keep prying.

Eventually, they hire a psychic who tells them that their house isn’t haunted–Katie is–by a demon. He pretty much tells them that there is nothing they can do, but they shouldn’t try to communicate with it because things will just get worse.

So, Micah buys a Ouija board, because of course he does (this is after they are rudely awakened by the demon screeching one night). We witness him set up the Ouija board with the camera pointed at it, Katie see it and is super pissed, but they go out on a date or something. While they’re gone, the Ouija board sets on fire and burns weird ass symbols into itself.

After this, Katie basically goes on a two movie murder spree. Possessed by the ‘poltergeist’ she thought she could get rid of.

Just like you.

We even got a very scary prequel explaining where this evil demon came from–

Nope, nope, nope, nope. I cannot help you if a demon is running loose in your kitchen. If the first four steps didn’t help you, then might I suggest adding me to your will?

If you want more scary lists, check these out:

5 Creepy Unsolved Mysteries

11 Horror Movies Based On True Stories
5 Horror Movies With Real Curses