The First Trailer for ‘The Human Centipede 3’ Makes Me Laugh, Cry and Vomit – All at Once!


Yes, this movie WILL be shown in theaters!  God bless America!

So this happened today (Warning: the following is a red band trailer):

I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t ready for this trailer.  I knew the trailer for Sinister 2 was being released today, but this . . . you gotta let me know!  Watching ANYTHING that has to do with The Human Centipede franchise requires a friendly warning!

So what are we to make of The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence) trailer?   Hmmm.

Well, for starters, this film looks more like a comedy than an outright horror film.  I mean, there is NOTHING in that trailer that looks even remotely scary.  (Gross?  Yes!  But not scary.)  There’s plenty of laughs to be had, though: the over-the-top acting; the picture that the character Dwight (Laurence R. Harvey) is holding that illustrates how the human centipede will work; the narrator claiming “The taste will never leave your mouth” – come on!  Apparently, Tom Six decided to make his own version of Scary Movie, thereby beating some smart ass to the punch.

Then we have the idea of a 500-person human centipede.  That’s audacious, I’ll give you that – but how the hell would it work?  Even if you fed the front of the centipede a seven-course meal, you would wind up starving 485 (give or take a few – sorry, I am not willing to test my theory here) inmates within a few days, because only the first handful of people are going to consume enough “food” to survive.

I can’t believe I just typed that paragraph.

And yes: the trailer promises plenty of shots of inmates pooping into other people’s mouths.

Just read the plot synopsis that Entertainment Weekly posted the other day for definitive proof that this film HAS to be a comedy:

"Bully prison warden Bill Boss (Dieter Laser), leading a big state prison in the US of A, has a lot of problems; his prison statistically has the highest amount of prison riots, medical costs and staff turnover in the country. But foremost he is unable to get the respect he thinks he deserves from his inmates and the state Governor (Eric Roberts). He constantly fails in experimenting with different ideas for the ideal punishment to get the inmates in line, which drives him, together with the sizzling heat, completely insane. Under threats of termination by the Governor, his loyal right hand man Dwight (Laurence R Harvey) comes up with a brilliant idea. A revolutionary idea which could change the American prison system for good and save billions of dollars. An idea based on the notorious Human Centipede movies, that will literally and figuratively get the inmates on their knees, creating the ultimate punishment and deterrent for anyone considering a life of crime. Having nothing to lose, Bill and Dwight create a jaw-dropping 500-person prison centipede."

The fact that The Human Centipede 3 appears to be the most comedic of the trilogy instantly makes it the most interesting of the three, in my eyes.  How can you NOT treat the idea of attaching people ass-to-mouth as something in a dark comedy?   Hell, I know I thought The Human Centipede was a comedy when I first heard about it!  Then I watched it . . . and the sequel . . . and have never laughed since.  Give me back my joy, Tom Six!

The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence) hits VOD and will be released in a limited number of theaters on May 22.

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