Evil Dead: What If Ash taught Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts?

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What if Ash Williams became the Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School For Witchcraft And Wizardry after the second Wizard War?

— Courtesy of Renaissance Pictures

Today is Ash Wednesday and we have something special for you….

Harry Potter and The Chin: Chapter One

A Muggle DATDA Teacher?

Ever since the second Wizard War, more and more muggles learned of the magical world. There weren’t enough Aurors on earth to wipe everyone’s memory.  So when Harry Potter received an owl from his old Transfiguration professor, now Headmistress of Hogwarts Minverva McGonagal, about the new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts, to say it was a surprise would be putting it mildly.

After all, Harry had some interesting Defense Against The Dark Arts teachers during his time at Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardy. The least of which being a werewolf and a Death Eater in disguise.

Even so, Harry never learned Defense Against The Dark Arts from.. a muggle? As an Auror for the Ministry Of Magic, Harry decides to send an owl to the Minster of Magic, as well as McGonagal requesting to serve as security for the year. Just in case this particular muggle revealed Dursley like tendencies, or worse — he will investigate this Ash Williams

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Word had spread fast among the magical community about a muggle teacher at Hogwarts. Harry waited in the teacher’s lounge while the announcements were being made in the Great Hall. Thanks to an extra long extendable ear, from Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes he could hear every word. Finally McGonagal began to speak.

Welcome once again to what is sure to be another wonderful year at Hogwarts. I must remind everyone that the forbidden forest is indeed forbidden to students. Students will not go into the forest under any circumstances. Mr. Filch asks me to remind you that all products from Weasley’s Wizards Wheeze are strictly forbidden.”

The students let out a collective groan.

“Finally, as I’m sure you all know by now we have a new Defense Against The Dark Arts Teacher. Yes the rumors are true. He IS a muggle, but he has had a lot of experience in dealing with dark magic. Let me introduce to you our new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, Mr. Ashley Williams.”

At this point, the man who no one really bothered to notice takes his feet down from the table. Ashley Williams is a tall, some would say ruggedly handsome, man with salt and pepper hair and a chiseled chin. He throws a half eaten apple into a near by bin and stands.

The students gaze at this muggle with a metal hand with incredulous faces. What can this grizzled muggle really teach them?

Harry waits with baited breath, as the dinner lets out. He hears the students start to rise and quickly pulls the extra long extendable ear from out of the Great Hall just in time. The last thing he clearly hears are the prefects for the respective houses calling their class mates into line to go to their newly placed common rooms.