Kills For Thrills To Pay the Bills: Cary Hill’s Scream Park (2013)

If you owned a pathetically struggling theme park, what would you do? Some would say, “Sorry, folks, the rides over.” Others would start killing people!

This is the premise of Cary Hill’s Scream Park, starring horror icon Doug Bradley as Mr. Hyde. Now, obviously, Bradley is known for playing Pinhead in the Hellraiser series. However, in Scream Park he is vastly different, and understated. During his brief screen time, his sole purpose is to spell out the plot, without the usual bells and whistles (and pins).

Frankly, this is a movie where the spoiler won’t matter very much, so I’ll just say that Mr. Hyde thinks murders will drum up publicity for the “Fright Land” amusement park, thereby fueling attendance and making money.

It is, without a doubt, a highly flawed premise, and no doubt stems from a diseased mind.  Nevertheless, Hyde has no qualms about hiring hitmen to do the deed — in classic 1980s slasher movie style!

Really, think about his idea.  How does he know it would result in increased attendance?  Couldn’t it just result in some life sentences in prison, in addition to the park’s closure?  These are serious issues that any theme park owner ought to consider before enacting such a plan.  Am I right?  I would just dream up some kick-ass new rides, maybe have a few discount days, try to grab some celebrity endorsements and events.

In any case, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

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It should also be mentioned that Nivek Ogre also stars in Scream Park, as the psychotic hitman named “Iggy” (ironically, Iggy’s partner, “Ogre,” is played by Ian Lemmon!). Nivek Ogre is, of course, front man of the industrial music legends, Skinny Puppy.

The victims? Their character names don’t ring a bell, but here are some actor names from the cast list: Wendy Wygant, Steve Rudzinski, Alicia Marie Marcucci, Nicole Beattie, Kailey Marie Harris, and a few others. Basically, these are the people who’re either getting killed, or doing their darnedest to avoid it. Some of the ladies even take off their tops (Hey, it’s an homage to ’80s slasher movies, so why the hell not?).

While Scream Park isn’t likely to knock your socks off, I would say it is likable. You might as well throw it — or something like it — on when you’re doing your laundry, or your taxes.

Next: The Monster Project review

Or, if you’re not feeling energetic, you can put off doing those dishes for an hour and a half! Who cares? Do you really think Mr. Hyde cares about stuff like that? Nope. He just does what he does. He would just hire hit men to do his dishes.

So be like Mr. Hyde. Check out Scream Park!