What Are You Thankful For: A Killer Turkey Day Smorgasbord
By David Lloyd
Thanksgiving is right around the corner. But what are we truly thankful for; is it our wives, husband’s, children or just the roof over our heads? Is it our careers or are we just thankful for the modicum of things that we accumulate?
There’s not much to associate horror with Thanksgiving, or being thankful. Needless to say, horror and turkey day go together like oil and water, they just don’t mix. There have been a few horror films related to turkey day, like ThanksKilling.
The tail of a possessed turkey with a fowl-mouth and psychopathic tendencies toward his human oppressors. Enjoying a delightful killing spree of college students on holiday.
But don’t bother ruffling your tail feathers with this one. It is quite dreadful, and should only be watched if it’s FREE, you’re bored or it’s the only choice to entertain yourself between watching paint dry, or VHS recorded episodes of This Old House with Bob Vila.
Your choice.
Now if you’re really bored and just want something to watch, there’s Blood Freak. The sordid tale of a Vietnam vet who takes an experimental formula, that turns him and his drug addiction into something less human. Now he seeks out and kills drug addicts to drink their blood, for his high. Pretty gruesome sounding eh…wait until you see that mask.
Now by no means am I suggesting that you watch any of these films. I cannot condone the watching of these three. Yea…ThanksKilling made a sequel, but in a weird way. So don’t do it. Do not subject yourself to such a cruel holiday feast.
Oh my God, FEAST! What better way to gorge your horror palette than with a movie (they made three) relative to the idea of stuffing yourself like…well a turkey. And here I thought I had nothing to share with you guys (I really didn’t) on such a glorious day.
FIRST COURSE
Feast came out in 2005, very gruesome with some funny on the side. All three films take place around the same time frame, so you won’t get lost. We begin in Feast, with the introduction of all the characters and their “supposed” life expectancies during the film. Which was different and fast-paced, until the feasters arrive and begin wreaking holy damnation upon them all.
SECOND COURSE
Feast 2 Sloppy Seconds continues from the end of the first film but introduces new characters as well a few that survived the first encounter. Fans of the Martin series, will notice that best friend Cole makes an appearance. And no, Big Shirley is not in the film, unless she’s one of the feasters.
The feasters invade the town and pretty much eat or kill everyone in sight, save the few lucky enough to hide. The survivors do what they can to tolerate each other (as with the first film) long enough to survive or die. But one old school beat down, a melting grandmother, one flying little person and a tossed baby later, we’re looking at a happy finish (pun intended).
THIRD COURSE
Feast 3 The Happy Finish continues with a few twists tangled up in the Grand Final. The remaining survivors are saved by ‘The Prophet’, only to be subjected to more unspeakable horrors. With Pukers, Feasters and a Hybrid right on their heels, it would be more than enough to make any sane person give up.
Seeing as this was the final film, they’ve pretty much gone all in on the bad scenarios, some political incorrectness, and nudity. Ay, Dios Mio, even the little people are hilarious when on screen. They bring their own flavor which is refreshing, especially the one who speaks Spanish throughout the film(s). (SPOILER ALERT)
Next: Horror Movie Marathon Wish List
Well, guys, that’s all I have for now. I hope you get a chance to enjoy the films I’ve shared. Let me know what you think and also if you have any movie suggestions or questions, please leave me comments below.
Happy Thanksgiving, and Auf Wiedersehen!