Myers Monday: Smith’s Grove inmates, it’s time to talk about Halloween 5

Released in 1989, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers is a troubled film to say the least. It’s time to talk about one of the worst sequels in horror.

Halloween fans, it’s Myers Monday and we need to discuss something…..

In 1988, after a seven year absence, Michael Myers comes back to slash the silver screen. Set ten years after the original two films, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers brings back the series in a big way. Leaning on realistic characters in relatable situations, the film takes to series “back to the basics” in one of the best sequels ever made. But then something terrible happens; a follow-up hits theaters a year later, tarnishing everything the sequel helped build.

Directed by Dominique Othenin-Girard, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers stands as the worst entry in the series by a large margin. So grab your trick ‘r treat stash and let’s jump into why the slasher sequel is an abomination on celluloid.

Fifth Time’s Not A Charm

Real Characters Only Bring the Creep

More from Halloween

• 31 Days of Horror: The secrets of The Nightmare Before Christmas!
• Is David Gordon Green’s sequel to The Exorcist doomed to fail?
• Where can I stream the original Halloween and all of its sequels?
• 31 Days of Horror Movies: Halloween Ends, I Bet I’m About to Offend You
• Interview with Michele Dawson, Nurse Deb in Halloween Ends

In the fourth Halloween, the main characters function beautifully. While Jamie Lloyd (Danielle Harris) is protagonist, creators Dwight Little (director) and Alan B. McElroy (writer) ingenuously split the duties. Because Jamie is a child, step-sister Rachael acts as co-lead, effectively adding much to the emotional resonance. When both are in danger, you feel the struggle — you pray for their safety.

In Halloween 5, we get an inactive protagonist (a script sin), and to alleviate the misstep, arguably the worst character in horror history arrives. Sure, Tina is cute, but if your plot-pushing protagonist annoying acts like someone we usually root to get the knife, it doesn’t work. In fact, in almost becomes parody.

This Is For Rachael

But what about Rachael? What about the girl next door played perfectly by the genuinely empathetic Ellie Cornell? Oh, well they killer her off within the 20 minutes…

Seriously for the life of me, I don’t understand why Moustapha Akkad didn’t see it. I know it was over money, but how could Akkad not see she was worth it? How could he not understand Halloween 4 doesn’t work nearly as much without Cornell? Some actors are why you leave the theater, Cornell is one who keeps you coming back.

The Doctor Is Out

And then there’s Dr. Loomis. In one of the worst moves in film history, Loomis is constructed as almost semi-antagonist. In fact, fundamentally speaking, everything about the legendary doctor is wrong outside of his wardrobe.

From the way he interacts with characters, to his tunnel-vision selfishness in catching Myers seemingly for personal victory, everything is wrong. The Loomis from the previous three films wouldn’t treat Jamie like this, even despite her murder attempt (this isn’t Loomis’ first time about death). It’s sad, while we have four perfect portrayals of the character, we could’ve had five.

Boogyman Blueprints

Lastly, we have the travesty that is the Myers house. Unless I missed “Halloween 4.5” on Betamax, how in the hell does the Myers house transform from an average mid-western home to a gothic castle. Seriously, nothing boggles my mind more than than Akkad thinking this was OK. I mean, this isn’t remotely close the Myers house. You know, I can’t even talk about it further…I don’t wanna break my laptop.

Killer Closing

If you enjoy Halloween 5: The Return of Michael Myers, I’m happy for you. But for the rest of you who demand an organic world to enter into when watching films, I’ll forever feel your pain. And at the end of the day, sadly, the jokes on us — this is far more trick than treat.

This has been another edition of Myers Monday. I’l see you next week in Haddonfield

Next: Halloween: Top 5 victims (who had it coming)

Fan of the Halloween franchise? Despise The Revenge of Michael Myers as much as I do? Let the other Haddonfield High Schoolers know what you think in the comment section below.