Something Scary: The Terrible Two is truly a terrible one (Review)
By Devin Shea
The Terrible Two, a new paranormal film, recently hit VOD platforms in hopes of scaring you out of your mind. But is the film worth that cold hard cash?
Being a big fan if paranormal and supernatural horror, I tend to dive into any movie that boasts of a haunting coming my way. There’s just something about knowing you’re not safe in your home and the danger is invisible and all around you is a terrifying concept. That’s why I was hopeful for the 2018 film The Terrible Two, written and directed by Billy Lewis.
I will say this up front, despite the review, the concept of losing a child is NO JOKE. Being a parent myself, movies like this one are difficult to watch and I wouldn’t wish losing a child on even my worst enemy. So, trigger warning for those who are sensitive to that kind of thing.
Image courtesy of Orange St Films/Uncork’d Entertainment/Arrow Media Services
The Terrible Two follows Albert (Reid Doyle) and Rose Poe (Cari Moskow) a year after losing both of their daughters in an accident on their birthdays. Understandably, Rose is having a difficult time as they just try to get back the anniversary of their deaths. But death doesn’t always mean they are gone. After some strange paranormal occurrences/mental breaks, Albert calls Dr. Connor (Devin McGee) who is the church counselor/apparently ghost-sensitive non-helper who tells them they have a bad presence in their house and need to leave, but is it too late?
Thanks, Captain Obvious. This movie was a chore, truly. It had a good idea but it got muddied with trying too hard. It played out more like a Christian PSA on the dangers of Satanism and being a non-believer than a horror movie. It was filled to brim with bible references, talk of the dangers of sinning and what have you. I half expected Rose to talk the dangers of Dungeons & Dragons. And if you don’t get that reference, please see this video.
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One thing I judge the most in movies is its dialogue; is it realistic? Is this something I can imagine being said between two human people? The answer to that question in regards to this movie is a big, fat no. The acting was stiff and emotionless and the dialogue was just bad. None of the behavior of either Albert or Rose would indicate a parent suffering the worst tragedy imaginable. Half the time, Albert could be replaced by a cardboard cutout and literally NO ONE would notice.
The only character that was realistic was Fred P. (no last name) played by Donny Boaz. He seemed authentic and the acting was a leap above the rest. There are things and even people in this movie with no explanation that are never, ever explained, like the character Nebula (Tracy McMullan). WHO THE HELL EVEN ARE YOU TO ANYONE IN THIS MOVIE?
The ending makes no sense; the little girls in the Army of Two knock off masks make no sense. I just can’t even with The Terrible Two.
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The Terrible Two is now available on YouTube Movies and Google Play.