‘Creepshow’ (1982): 10 classic quotes and why they’re so great!

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Leslie Nielson as Richard Vickers, Creepshow. Courtesy of Warner Bros.

"6. “Oh, I can hold my breath for a long, long time!” — Richard Vickers"

Richard Vickers is rich, so he thinks himself a God. Unfortunately, he is a jealous God, who feels he owns his unfaithful wife, and exacts a unique form of revenge — which he records on VHS and intends to watch later. By burying them neck-deep in sand, he expects the tide to roll in and take care of business.

However, in classic horror comic fashion, the tables are inevitably turned, and Richard’s lung capacity is put to the challenge. It is certainly a cruel world, but much of the cruelty we collectively face is retaliatory in nature. Glub glub, Richard! Glub glub!

"7. “Just tell it to call you Billie, you bitch!” — Henry Northrup"

Going back to Henry and Wilma, this quote gives insight into a sweet, fantasy aspect of revenge: Being able to turn one’s words against them during a cruel moment. This scene captures the intensity of that desire, as it glows brilliantly like a red hot coal. Yes, it’s a gruesome moment, and yes, it’s not an emotion people should feel.

Still, who hasn’t felt that way, at least a few times in life? Have you never wished someone ill, and that you could deliver a witty rejoinder right when they’re at their lowest, most degraded point? Well, maybe you haven’t and you’re just a goody-two-shoes. In that case, congratulations! You deserve high praise for your moral purity, Mr. or Mrs. Highroad!

However, for the rest of us…we kinda’ wish we had our own little crate monster at times, if we’re being honest. Creepshow is honest, even if we should never simulate its forbidden fantasies.

"8. Upson Pratt: “Mrs. Katzenjammer… would you mind telling me who gave you my private number? I’d like to fire him.” Lenora Castonmeyer [whose husband very recently committed suicide]: “It was in my husband’s address book, you son of a bitch!” Upson Pratt: “Well, I can’t fire him, can I?”"

Upson Pratt is not a nice man, to say the least. This bit of dialogue captures his essence pretty well, and reminds us that Creepshow features creeps that aren’t undead.

Adrienne Barbeau as Wilma, Creepshow. Courtesy of Warner Bros.

"9. “I drove out there with the remains of three human beings… well, two human beings and Wilma.” — Henry Northrup"

Henry lays his hatred for Wilma on pretty thick. By this point, one might expect him to relent. After all, he basically just fed his wife to a monster in a crate. Still, Henry disliked his wife just that much, and it still lingers, far more than any guilt. While Henry is himself a monster, he’s also a human being, and when people drive each other up the wall, they sometimes tempt fate. In this case, fate was in a crate.

"10. “It’s Father’s Day. And I got my cake.” — Nathan’s Corpse"

Nathan is perhaps the least justified of Creepshow’s villains. Nevertheless, he’s oddly likable for some reason. Maybe because his living relatives are so stereotypically rich and snobbish? In any case, when he comes out and says this, it’s a moment of sheer mania.

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That’s it for quotes from the original Creepshow.  Did we leave out any gems?  Let us know in the comments!