The Predator review: Why this picture made me angry

This sequel, written by Fred Dekker and Shane Black had a decent premise. So, what went wrong?

The Predator Story (or lack there of)

The Predator made me angry, even though the acting performances were on point. Some of the decisions and situations that the characters faced were compelling but only for a moment. All of that makes you forget, just for a second, the script holes, the overblown characters and their pointless arcs.

There is no room for any existential crisis in The Predator. Everyone is screwed. They all accept it. The world keeps turning.

Captain Quinn McKenna (Boyd Holbrook) is an Army Ranger who witnesses a Predator crash on Earth. It proceeds to kill 2 of his men. Although McKenna manages to escape, he realizes no one will believe his alien story. The Captain gladly tells the people interrogating him that he knows he’ll be framed for the murders. He’s the protagonist of the movie and he basically gives up within the first 10 minutes of it.

The main plot of The Predator is about climate change. Don’t worry. It’s not preachy. Climate change is a real thing. No one in the movie challenges that fact. It’s a given that the Earth will be uninhabitable for humans within 2 or 3 generations. But it will be perfect for Predators. That’s right X-Files fans! We’re finally being colonized! But not really. It turns out the Predators are just waiting for the climate to take out most of the population. Then they’ll sweep in and wipe out the rest.

Does Any of This Make Sense?

The Predator 2 – Courtesy of FOX

What we soon learn is that the Predator who crashed and killed McKenna’s men (and proceeds to kill a few dozen more people) is actually here to save us! He’s brought us some kind of tech that will help us defeat the other Predators. It won’t help us stop climate change, though. Remember: we are all screwed. A much bigger Predator shows up to capture the smaller, “Shortie” Predator and prevent us from getting the tech. 

I’ll admit it. Some of this was really cool and had my interest piqued. Predators collect the brain stem and spine from their trophies because it’s cool. And because they get DNA from every planet’s ultimate Predator. They infuse this DNA to evolve themselves into Ultimate Predators. Shortie has human DNA. Maybe that’s why he wants to help us in the dumbest possible way. The Ultimate Predator who comes to hunt him is more evolved. He’s 11 feet tall, forms an exoskeletal body of armor under his skin, and has 2 dogs. (But how can it be an exoskeleton if it’s under his skin? Isn’t that just 2 skeletons? Oh, look, someone got cut in half!)

Sadly, the amount of time it takes to read that summary is the same amount of time the plot is given in the movie. And it doesn’t become clear until half the movie is over. The fatalism of this movie is its prevailing trait.

The Look of the Movie

With all this talk of climate change bringing on the end times, I expected there to be some sprawling shots of the sun setting on some mountains. Maybe some blue lit night vistas tracking across the screen. Hell, I would have settled for a few random establishing shots that explained where we were in the story. But everything is pretty darkly lit, out-of-nowhere smash cuts from scene to scene. We don’t need to know how or why we got there. We just need to keep moving forward. And remember: we’re all screwed!

The Characters

The Predator Warriors – Courtesy of FOX

In a very convoluted, plot induced way, McKenna makes his estranged family the target of Shortie. Remember, Shortie wants to help us keep our planet, but he’s going to kill a whole bunch of people on the way to making that happen.

McKenna’s son, Rory (Jacob Tremblay), is described as being on the spectrum. The word autism is never used. But one character does refer to him as the R word. In the universe of The Predator, being on the spectrum means that loud noises bother you, puzzles interest you, and bigger kids bully you. In other words, he sounds like an average 6th grader. Rory is verbal, has no issues communicating with others, and seems to be able to form friendships easily. I’m not trying to say that there aren’t varying degrees of being on the spectrum. That’s the point of having one. But this seems like a forced plot point to explain Rory’s ability to translate and understand the language and tech of the Predators. Oh. And he also accidentally kills a guy.

McKenna’s wife, Emily (Yvonne Strahovski), doesn’t serve a single purpose. She does get exasperated that her son is super smart, completes school work obscenely fast, and has zero interest in trick-or-treating. Somehow, Emily irritated me the most. She has a sweet kid who she can leave on his own. But he has a photographic memory and is only 98% normal. That stresses her out. It was thoroughly annoying.

Will Traeger (Sterling K. Brown) is a purely evil government official who is the US Expert on Predators and runs the “Stargazer Project” that studies their increasing visits to our planet. He doesn’t hesitate to kill people that get in his way or run out of usefulness. He’s the main antagonist of the movie and he’s also the best thing about it.

Dr. Casey Brackett (Olivia Munn) is the good scientist of the movie. She understands and translates most of the plot for the audience. I would have to say Brackett is a total badass and my second favorite thing about this film.

The Add-Ons

The Predators – Doctor Brackett – Courtesy of FOX

The rest of the characters are hyper simplified versions of mental illness. They are all military and resigned to the fact that their service drove them to their current states. And, you know what, they’re cool with it. Remember, we’re all screwed. The Predator does take a stance that the military sucks, but the soldiers are good. It’s like a poor man’s version of a Peter Berg movie.

If that leaves you feeling uneasy, wait for the celebration of how funny mental illness is. The comedy is really dark. I can see how these characters would use laughter as a coping mechanism. However, the audience is invited to laugh at them and not with them which makes the situation extremely uncomfortable and not humorous in the least.

Gaylord “Nebraska” Williams (Trevante Rhodes) is McKenna’s number 2. He posses a strong warrior code. He’s also suicidal throughout the movie, which eventually climaxes in his heroic self sacrifice that helps save the day. He meets up with McKenna when they are on their way to military group therapy. These two, along with the other guys on the bus, form the makeshift unit that fights the Shortie Predator who is trying to save us and kill us at the same time. 

Other members of the group include Coyle (Keegan-Michael Key) who suffers from PTSD, Baxley (Thomas Jane), who is reported to have Tourettes syndrome and Nettles (Augusto Aguilera) whose basic function is to hit on Dr. Brackett. The last character Lynch (Alfie Allen) who is part of this ragtag group of warriors is just there to die, apparently. I couldn’t tell you anything else about him.

Silver Linings

The Predator 3 – Courtesy of FOX

The acting is exceptional. I really felt for these characters. Coyle and Baxley become gravely injured and make a pact to shoot each other because their time is up. And, with military precision, they succeed.

The audience I saw this with gasped. It was a sad moment. And then I remembered the caricatures of mental illness these two were and got mad. Their sole purpose in this movie was to make us feel bad. Key and Jane were great. But I felt dirty. I also wanted to find a service member after the movie and hug them and apologize to them at the same time.

Sterling K. Brown really steps into this role. He’s pure evil and he has an absolute blast with it. Traeger ends up being the most honest, believable character in the movie. When he yells for his men to shoot Rory’s knees out if McKenna doesn’t surrender, I was shocked and totally believed that’s what the character would do. Traeger’s motives and drive stay true throughout the movie. In many ways, he made The Predator watchable.

Olivia Munn is finally in an action movie where they let her talk. She’s always solid and proves to be a highlight of whatever story she’s lost in. Her character in The Predator  is vital to the audience’s understanding of the plot which makes her an invaluable asset to the production.

Is This the MCU?

The Predator 4 – Courtesy of FOX

We find out that the tech the Shortie Predator was trying to give to us is a Predator suit of armor. It’s complete with dreadlocks. Apparently, they are extra sensory detectors. Otherwise they’d just be cultural appropriation.

There’s only one suit. There are no instructions on how to replicate it. And McKenna ends the movie by saying “I hope they have that in a 42 Long!” Wow. Ooo, ra, bro.

But, really? There was this chase across the galaxy over a single suit? Climate change is going to kill most people on Earth in the near future, but this one suit will keep us safe from the Predators? For what purpose? So the human race can all die the same way?

Even if we fight off the Predators, they’ll likely take over the planet once we’re all gone. It’ll just take a little longer. Even if people evolve to survive, they would likely just join the Predator race or fend them off without the need for a suit. That’s the point where I got angry and laughed at a fellow audience member who asked the relevant question: “What even just happened?”

There were some good ideas in The Predator. But, much like Solo: A Star Wars Story from earlier in the summer, The Predator played out as very expensive fan fiction. It wasn’t horrible, but it was odd.

After 30 years of the franchise, we learn that the Predators have formed a symbiotic relationship with us. It was as weird as listening to call backs about the Kessel Run only to find that Han Solo just used the Star Wars version of nitrous oxide to go faster. The thought of more story editors continuing and adding useless plot devices to old franchises reminds me: we’re all screwed!

Have you seen The Predator? What did you think of it? Share your opinions in the comment section below.