Horror movie survival Randy Meeks style: The Lost Boys

Scream’s Randy Meeks introduced us to the rules to successfully survive a horror movie, but if they were followed, how much would they change the outcome of other horror movies?

In 1996, Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson revitalized the horror genre with Scream, which successfully combined dark comedy, slasher horror, and satirized the clichés of the genre, with the characters aware of these and the horror movies that cemented them. It also introduced new characters that became classics within the slasher subgenre: Sidney Prescott, Dewey Riley, Gale Weathers, and Randy Meeks.

They all have an important role in the Scream franchise, but for this series we will focus on Randy, Sidney’s best friend and die-hard horror fan. Randy famously explained the “rules to successfully survive a horror movie” in the first Scream movie (and the rules changed on the sequels because, well, they were sequels!), and I couldn’t help but wonder: would following these rules really change the outcome of other horror movies? Let the science begin. Our first subject: Joel Schumacher’s The Lost Boys.

The Lost Boys in a Nutshell

Brothers Michael (Jason Patric) and Sam (Corey Haim), and their mother (Dianne Wiest) move to the small town of Santa Carla, in California, where things are not as bright and colorful as the welcome sign wants to make them believe. After coming across with a local gang, Michael and Sam will learn why Santa Carla is the “Murder capital of the world”. Because vampires, that’s why.

Now, Randy’s rules say: you can never have sex, you can never drink or do drugs, and never (ever) say “I’ll be right back”. Well, only two of these apply to The Lost Boys, so let’s see how they could have impacted the story.

Rule: You Can Never Drink or Do Drugs

Had Michael known this, a lot would have changed – for a while, at least.

Vampire/Gang leader David (Kiefer Sutherland) and company don’t go the traditional vampire-way to turn mortals into one of theirs. They’re actually smarter, or at least they were with Michael, tricking him into drinking “wine” which was actually David’s blood, thus turning him into a half-vampire without even knowing.

But you know what Randy said: don’t drink. If Michael hadn’t drank the “wine”, he wouldn’t have been turned into a half-human, half-vampire, and the story would have taken a different turn. I’m thinking, he might have gotten over his 3-day crush on Star (or however long that was) because, well, her friends are a bit too weird.

However, we later learn (from Star herself) that you are not “fully made” until you kill, and the thirst/hunger just grows bigger and bigger, it will come to a point where you can no longer fight it and you will kill. Oh, and as Star was a half-vampire too, Michael was supposed to be her first kill.

So, supposing he hadn’t drank the blood, and gotten over his crush on Star, I don’t think David would have let him go that easy, and he would have ended up being Star’s first kill anyway – or would have been turned the traditional way by David himself. If we’re being honest, he was kinda obsessed with Michael.

Rule: You Can Never Have Sex

Michael and Star did not follow that rule. But that moment came after he drank the blood and when he was already going through the physical changes of being a half-blood sucker. In fact, it happened because Michael went to the gang’s lair to ask Star for help.

In this case, abstinence wouldn’t have changed anything, other than (and this is a stretch) the depth of Michael’s feelings for Star. But again, that changes nothing.

Conclusion

If The Lost Boys had followed Randy’s Rules, not much would have changed, other than David’s methods of conversion, and Michael and Star’s relationship (only slightly). Although we can also imagine how things would have gone had Michael decided to take action before David made any other move to turn him into a vampire – and it probably would have been messy (and entertaining to watch). Something to think about before going to bed tonight.

Which movies should we apply “Randy’s Rules” to? Let us know!