Myers Monday: Why Dr. Sartain is the worst character in Halloween history

With the new Halloween here, Blumhouse’s reboot/sequel has its problems. But one character beats all at losing so much. Someone call Michael Myers..

Halloween fans…..the doctor is out.

Homecoming In Haddonfield

After months of anxious waiting, October saw Blumhouse finally unleashing its Halloween. One of the most anticipated films in recent memory, your opinion of the movie is probably solidified by now. While I can’t look look past most of the slasher’s script problems — the movie is one of the biggest let downs of my life — there’s one huge issue that cannot be ignored. In fact, the reboot should have been diagnosed early…

— Courtesy of Blumhouse

What The Doctor Didn’t Order

For all its misguided attempts, one of Halloween’s biggest issues is Dr. Sartain. Nauseatingly sold as the anti-Loomis, the character is absolutely the worst of the fright franchise — maybe even horror history. Yes, I know this is a slasher series showcasing a lot of terrible, thinly written, characters. But none of them are as bad as Sartain.

Unmasking The Problem

More from Halloween

• 31 Days of Horror: The secrets of The Nightmare Before Christmas!
• Is David Gordon Green’s sequel to The Exorcist doomed to fail?
• Where can I stream the original Halloween and all of its sequels?
• 31 Days of Horror Movies: Halloween Ends, I Bet I’m About to Offend You
• Interview with Michele Dawson, Nurse Deb in Halloween Ends

For a blaring example, let’s looks at the moments before the demented doctor dies. While searching for Michael, Officer Hawkins, Sartain and Allyson strike the boogeyman unconscious with a police car. Upon checking, Hawkins is killed by Sartain and….this is where it really gets bad.

Sartain, who is a man in his ’70s, picks up a lifeless Shape as if he weighs nothing. Placing Myers in the cop car, the doctor then puts on the mask as if this is Captain Planet and he’s found a ring. The whole idea that the mask is somehow powerful in and of itself is stupid enough, but having anyone but Michael wear it is a cinema sin.

A Different Prescription

Honestly, the character should have been removed during re-writes (was the script even re-written?) I get it, but the idea of having a doctor become the anti-Loomis sounds like a decent idea, but it’s terribly written here. It’s cheesy and terribly handled in the film, which does nothing but distract from the plot. I’ve heard people call the movie “fan fiction,” and something as stupid as Dr. Sartain can be found on any YouTube Halloween flick. I could go on, but you get it. The character is sight trash.

This has been another edition of Myers Monday. We’ll see you trick ‘r treaters next week in Haddonfield.

Fan of the Halloween franchise? Think Dr. Sartain is the worst? Let the other Smith’s Grove inmates know what you think in the comment section below.