Call of the Cryptid: It’s Bigfoot, baby! (AKA Sasquatch)

Call of the Cryptid addresses one of the big dogs (or big apes) of the cryptid pantheon:  The  great all-American Sasquatch!

Bigfoot Rundown

Who hasn’t heard of Bigfoot, or “Sasquatch,” or whatever? Bigfoot is one of the supreme cryptids, alongside Nessie and the ever-frightening Chupacabra! There’s almost nothing to say about the creature, other than that it’s usually considered a giant, man-like ape (or ape-like man). The Sasquatch has been reported in the Pacific Northwest, the Great Lakes and the Southeast of the United States.

Accounts of Bigfoot go way back to the 1800s or earlier, supposedly being part of Native American lore. While this is often how cryptid tales begin, let’s skip ahead to the more modern era. The Oct. 5, 1958 issue of the Humboldt Times read, “Giant footprints puzzle residents along Trinity River.” This appears to have been the birth of Bigfoot, or Sasquatch. It obviously didn’t end there, and who would want it to?  One of the iconic images of Bigfoot is the Patterson–Gimlin film.

Yes, I’m talking about the famous, grainy footage of either an ape man or someone in a fairly convincing ape costume. The footage was taken by Roger Patterson and Bob Gimlin in Northern California in 1967.   While many find the footage compelling, some find it silly.

Prominent Hollywood creature effects artists had opinions on it. Rick Baker said that “it looked like cheap, fake fur.” Baker designed the Bigfoot creature Harry, for the film Harry and the Hendersons. Baker also did the effects for films like Star Wars, An American Werewolf in London, Gremlins 2: The New Batch, and 50 billion other things.  Similarly, effects wizard Stan Winston alleged it was a guy in a suit.

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Not enough? Philip Morris, owner of “one of the nation’s largest wholesale costume retailers,” maintains that he provided the costume for Patterson and Gimlin! He shrugs off the Bigfoot believer’s critiques, saying “You’re interfering with their belief system. It’s like telling a child there’s no Santa Claus.”  He also said, “The Bigfoot researchers say that no human can walk that way in the film. Oh, yes they can!” (MORE INFO: The Making of Bigfoot: The Inside Story [pg. 452], by Greg Long)

The Legend Lives On

ANAHEIM – 1989: Bigfoot flies over cars during the monster truck rally at Anaheim Stadium in 1989 in Anaheim, California. Photo by: Tim Defrisco/Getty Images

I hate to be a Sasquatch skeptic, but there are so many silly stories about this thing. For example, here’s one about hunters shooting a couple while they had sex outdoors. An excerpt:
“It looked like a couple of gorillas mating like crazy. They were standing over 6-foot tall and kept growling and moaning. They really looked like wild creatures.”  Perhaps that article itself is a hoax. There are more, though.  In 2008, a cop lost his job for his role in a ridiculous Bigfoot hoax. After a “Bigfoot” body in a block of ice was thawed, it was revealed to just be a lame, rubbery thing!

For whatever reason, the two have received $50,000 from Searching for Bigfoot, Inc., except they threatened a lawsuit to get the money back!  My question is, why send them $50,000 before anything was proven either way? If I had $50,000 to spare, I doubt I’d throw it at the first person who walks in the door! In any case, that’s how this story worked out, and plenty of others.

Why Skepticism Is So Easy

Something like Bigfoot sounds plausible to me. Nevertheless, Bigfoot believers are often likened to conspiracy nut-jobs, zany pranksters, or “missing links” themselves. Still, I’m not against these hunters for truth, whether they’re looking for man-like apes or new species of chimpanzees.

Maybe there are better ways to spend one’s time and economic resources, but who am I to judge? Also, quite obviously, there is no law against looking for legendary creatures (though some may exist regarding related commercial ventures and hoaxes).

Still, the age old question beckons: How they haven’t found a single one dead anywhere? I know, pretty mind-blowing question, right? Can’t you just hear the Bill & Ted “WOAH!” after that? It seems there would be some Sasquatch/Bigfoot carcasses here and there, especially as human landscapes encroach on animal wilderness.

At some point, won’t we reach the extremes of expansion and encounter these beasts, due to over-development? Intelligence may explain some elusive Sasquatch behavior, but soon their hypothetical luck would run out. In fact, a Bigfoot believer Youtuber, self-designated as “EDGE PSYCHOTIC,” has these same sentiments (a few of his points are decent, even if he repeats himself a few times).

The “Ohio Howl” and Other Potentially Credible Evidence

What does a Sasquatch sound like? One Youtube video supposedly contains a Sasquatch sample, seemingly ready for a techno remix. It says it was recorded in 1994 in Ohio.
Now, imagine seeing something walking on two feet, approaching you and making that sound? You’d need a fresh pair of Pampers pretty quick, wouldn’t you?

The freakiness of Sasquatch continually draws attention. The History Channel has a 2-hour special, Bigfoot Captured, which involves a 3D-printing of a bigfoot skeleton!  Similarly, Animal Planet maintains that, “Over the course of time, Bigfoot researchers meet enough eyewitnesses to realize there are indeed many, many eyewitness across the continent who are indeed very credible. Often there are multiple witnesses to a given sighting or encounter.”

I’m sure this is a strawman, but I can’t help but think, “Well, the Salem Witch Trials featured witnesses deemed ‘credible’ as well!” Credible or not, it’s a potentially lucrative cryptid. In addition to the famous and beloved Monster Truck, there are companies involved in such things, like Bigfoot Project Investments.

They even have a CEO, Tom Biscardi. Their mission? “Bigfoot Project Investments mission is to create exciting and interesting proprietary investment projects and entertainment properties surrounding the mythology, research, and potential capture of the creature known as Bigfoot.” Their stock symbol is ” BGFT.”

That’s it for this Call of the Cryptid!  What are your thoughts on Sasquatch?  Howl at us in the comments!