Shudder Exclusive Offseason takes us on a visit to a remote seaside island that sounds like an ideal vacation spot. The main characters are not there for fun, they are instead responding to a letter informing Marie that her mother’s grave has been vandalized, and that turns out to be one of the least frightening parts of their trip.
In honor of the summer vacation season, let’s take a look at some of the worst current destinations you can virtually visit on Shudder; we’ll start with Lone Palm Island.
In Offseason, Marie and her boyfriend George take off on what is supposed to be a quick trip to an isolated seaside island. It’s a tourist area, but it ends up being one bad trip for the two, as they find themselves stuck there when the bridge is raised for the off season.
How bad is their short time on the island? Well, they pay a visit to The Sand Trap, a quaint local bar, and are stared at, laughed at and intimidated by the clientele. Sure, it looks like they are having fun dancing and whatnot, but they clearly do not want the couple to relax and have a good time.
The layout of the island is confusing. They are driving down a single lane road, and it suddenly dead ends; then, the same thing happens when they turn around to go back in the other direction, and end up in an accident. Will Triple-A be able to offer them roadside assistance? I think not!
Let’s leave the rainy, foggy island of Lone Palm and take a trip to the beach, shall we? That’s what Emily and Randall do in The Beach House, as they plan a little getaway at Randall’s parents’ vacation home, which sits directly on the beach.
The first sign that this is not going to be a relaxing stay comes when it turns out another older couple is already staying there. Jane and Mitch are friends with Randall’s folks, and they seem friendly enough, so the younger couple decide to stick it out. Things get worse when the four share some edibles and start to “hallucinate” glowing lights all over the beach. Also, the water is…strange.
Whatever was in that water now makes everyone sick, and super-thick fog rolls in, Jane breaks out in gross sores, it’s just not a good time for any of them. A biological infection can ruin a beach vacation in a hurry, especially when it also causes an infestation of jelly fish from hell.
On Shudder, beaches aren’t the only scary accommodations.
If you think ocean destinations are the only bad choices in a horror movie, you are sadly mistaken. You can’t get much further from the beach than the desert, and that’s where Deidre, Charlotte and Heather go in Shudder film The Seed. Social media queen Dee thinks it’s a great idea to use Heather’s father’s house in the Mojave Desert to livestream an upcoming meteor shower.
Unfortunately, there is something else that rains down to earth during the shower, and a weird creature that looks kind of like a horror movie version of ET crash lands in the very nice swimming pool. Who would want to use the pool after that?
The internet is spotty, so that’s enough to ruin a vacation right there, but now there’s black goo all over the place, and the three friends are just not getting along at all. Who wants to be trapped with two people you fight with constantly, especially when they seem to be transforming into something really icky?
Our last really bad choice for a getaway is featured in Impetigore. This time, we are taken to a small, quaint Indonesian village called Harjosari, which is where Maya goes to check out the family home she just found out existed. She takes her best pal Dini along, thinking they can quickly sell the house, but, you guessed it, it turns into a nightmare vacation for the two.
The village is very remote, and the fact that there are no children (well, no live ones anyway) should mean the area will be quiet and calm. But between the really inappropriate puppets, skinless babies and a pesky upside down flaying, this was way too stressful to offer any real relaxation. Harjosari is a one-star destination for sure!
We do have a few runners-up for the worst vacation spots on Shudder. Tourist Trap features Slausen’s Wax Museum, which houses some terrifying mannequins. It’s absolutely the wrong area in which to get a flat tire.
The Abaddon Hotel, as seen in Hell House LLC, definitely does not offer 8-star accommodations. I mean, you will end up staying (forever), but not because you necessarily want to. Oh yeah, and stay away from the clown in the basement.
And Jenn makes a big mistake when she agrees to accompany her married boyfriend Richard to his fancy home in the middle of the desert in Revenge. The house is nice and all, but the floors are really slippery when covered with blood.
Planning to Airbnb it? Even though BettyLou52 boasts really high ratings, stay far from her rental home, which is featured in Superhost. Sure, she’s super-attentive, but unless you like being monitored via camera, having BettyLou show up unannounced to personally make you breakfast, and well, fighting for your life, it may not be the fun getaway you want.
Plan your vacations well, friends! And while each of these films is highly recommended, stay far from the destinations.
What are your favorite horror film destinations? Drop your top three in the comments section.