On the seventh episode in the fifth season of the award-winning vampire mockumetary series What We Do in the Shadows, Laszlo’s experiments to slow down Guillermo’s transformation into a bloodsucker have suffered a few glitches and unexpected dead ends.
Ever since he found out that Guillermo was bitten by Derek, Laszlo has been trying to slow down the effects even further. He even quotes Britney (as his knowledge of human pop culture is delayed by almost two decades) and declares that Yermo isn’t really human any more but not yet a vamp.
He’s already tried to fuse Yermo’s DNA with a pig, a dog, and a frog. When he reveals his breakthrough to the familiar it’s apparently to report he’s failed.
Further, Laszlo reveals that his experimental dead ends need to be gotten rid of as they include several human and animal hybrids, the size of little people, who have varying intelligences.
Laszlo wants them all killed and hands over a gun. Guillermo is the guy to do it.
What We Do in the Shadows season 5 episode 7: Teacher Nadja
Meanwhile, Nadja has been teaching an “American life skills” class to her fellow Antipaxans. With utterly useless subjects ranging from Thanksgiving to the colonial hymn.
She thinks it’s because she was hexed but also because she, long ago as a child, burned down the village school because her classmates bullied her. So in her head all her good deeds will pile up to eventually reverse the curse.
She’s also asked Colin and Nandor to come and sit in since she didn’t want her classes to get too empty. However, they have since refused to leave.
What We Do in the Shadows season 5 episode 7: All Guillermo’s children
Back at the house, Guillermo gets the shock of his life when one of his human-animal clones, the dog, speaks up. He passes out but when he wakes up he finds out nearly all the clones can talk and they wall want him to fulfill the prophecy of “the one true Guillermo” who will save them all.
They all say he needs to save Binky. Turns out this Binky is a koi living out back in the pond.
When a mysterious old woman approaches Nadja while she’s taking a break and tells her she can help get rid of the hex, Nadja jumps on it, abandons the class, and tells Colin and Nandor they’re the teachers now.
Nandor wastes no time laying out his extensive “nolej” to the class. Colin however only cares about the energy drain and proceeds to use the “cool teacher” trope, using a kind of Beatnik scatting routine meets Dead Poets Society to execute his feeding.
Eventually, Nandor gets tired of Colin’s routine and, just as the energy vamp is about to sing them REM’s “Nightswimming” as they’re all freezing outside, Nandor successfully cajoles the students to come with them all to the local heritage museum.
What We Do in the Shadows season 5 episode 7: Special Dunkin’ branch
Magic woman Helen instructs Nadja to get some pretty rare ingredients for the cure potion, like eye of newt and monkey paw. Still, among in the list is a chocolate glaze from the Dunkin’ on Forest and South Avenue.
But when Nadja returns Helen finds out she’s gone to the wrong Dunkin branch and gotten the wrong donuts. When Nadja balks at getting more sweets, Helen acts up as if she’s in pain because the hex is growing more and more powerful.
When Nadja does get to the right Dunkin’ though she sees there’s a sign that declares Helen Johnson persona non grata at the place. She takes the sign back and confronts Helen with it.
Helen tells Nadja that her full name is really Helen “The Magic” Johnson and confesses that she was driven out of the Dunkin for her bad behavior, but it’s really the only place she’s ever felt at home.
Nadja takes pity on her, empathizing with knowing you can never go home again. She hypnotizes the Dunkin attendant to letting Helen back in and feeding her munchkins.
What We Do in the Shadows season 5 episode 7: Nandor’s historic undies
At the heritage museum, there’s a 19th century immigrant experience showcase and Nandor finds out they’re dressed up a mannequin in his old missing traditional garb, his diary, as well as put his old underwear on display.
Colin reads aloud excerpts from Nandor’s translated journal that says he probably was a virgin, Nandor flies into a rage and destroys the exhibit.
When they get back to the house, to make Nandor feel better, Colin reveals he’s stolen the amulet slash key chain that was a gift from Nandor’s mom.
What We Do in the Shadows season 5 episode 7: Peace be with the clones
In the back, Laszlo watches as Yermo lines up all the hybrids to kill them by single firing squad; meaning Yermo. Preferring not to see the splattered brains and guts, Laszlo walks off so Yermo only fires the gun in the air and pretends he’s done the deed.
Later on, he drops off the hybrids at an old folks home where his aunt works and tells them this is their new home as emotional support animals. He reminds them they should only ever interact with the old people and never get seen by the staff.
Thought he sentiments and setup are great on paper, this episode never really gets its groove on and the arc of both Yermo’s clones and Nadja’s continuing hex problem are cut off too abruptly.
They interlacing arcs end without ever really encountering much obstacles. Plus, the laughs and jokes are pretty contrived. Surely one of the weakest in the season and doesn’t even advance any of the big plot points setup from the start, like Yermo’s newfound vampiric purgatory or the cause behind Nadja’s mysterious hex.