Joe Bob Briggs and The Last Drive-In have been presenting Valentine’s specials since 2021, and this year’s special is coming up just a few days from now. Joe Bob’s Very Violent Valentine is set to stream live on Friday, February 9 at 9:00 p.m. ET on both Shudder TV and AMC+ TV.
Before we speculate about what two films might be featured this year, let’s take a spin in the way back machine and reminisce about Valentine Specials past.
In 2021, Joe Bob Put a Spell on You presented a film I had never even heard of: Tammy and the T-Rex. Denise Richards plays high school cheerleader Tammy, whose boyfriend Michael is mauled by a lion after her ex and his buds throw him into a wild animal park. A nefarious doctor plants Michael’s brain into an animatronic T-Rex, and the dino wreaks havoc.
The second feature was The Love Witch, a highly stylized film made to emulate the technicolor aesthetic of 1960s films. Unlike Tammy and the T-Rex, The Love Witch is an artistic movie…but Tammy and the T-Rex was definitely an unexpectedly fun surprise.
For 2022’s Valentine Special, we got Joe Bob’s Heartbreak Trailer Park, and our first feature was Black Roses. Featuring several heavy metal artists of its time, it told the story of a popular band who plays for three consecutive nights in a small town. Each night, the teens in town become more violent and aggressive, and it turns out the lead singer Damian is a demon.
Film number two was one of the most iconic campy horror-comedy flicks ever, Frankenhooker. After Elizabeth is killed in a tragic lawn mower mishap, her scientist boyfriend reconstructs her using the body parts of prostitutes that he has killed, and brings her back to life. Patty Mullen plays the title role, and she does a bang-up job with it, using catch phrases like, “Want a date?”, “Need some company?” and “Looking for some action?” To top off the wonderfulness of Frankenhooker, we got fantastic cosplay from Darcy, who absolutely nailed the nuances of the undead Elizabeth.
Last year, we got Joe Bob’s Vicious Vegas Valentine, and we got to watch Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge. This is a sub-standard 80s slasher with a mostly forgettable plot involving the vengeful victim of a fire, who is taking revenge on mall employees. But even a meh film like this one benefits from the snappy patter, fun trivia and off-subject rants of Joe Bob Briggs.
Film number two was the German film Nekromantik, perhaps the film with the highest yuck factor of any of Joe Bob’s specials. It deals with Robert and Betty, a couple who indulge their necrophilia fetishes, using Robert’s job working for a company that cleans up fatal accidents to steal body parts. At one point, he steals an entire corpse, and the two have sex with it. Ick.
All of the Valentine specials/films listed above can still be streamed on Shudder. The only exception is The Love Witch, and if you want to watch it (sans TLDI commentary), it can be accessed on Tubi.
So, what’s in store for Joe Bob’s Very Violent Valentine? We don’t know for sure, but Joe Bob gave us the following clues:
“The first movie was so violent that the MPAA ordered 53 cuts before it could be released. The second combined Andy Warhol’s Factory with the sleaziest neighborhood in downtown El Lay. Put ‘em together and you’ve got Gangsta Valentine’s Day.”
Fans seem convinced that the first film will be 1996’s Freeway. Apparently, it underwent extensive cuts before its release, and the key art for the Valentine Special also features Darcy dressed as Little Red Riding Hood, which fits in with Freeway's LRRH themes. It stars Reese Witherspoon and Kiefer Sutherland.
Opinions are more divided on film numero two-o (as Joe Bob would say). Replies to JB’s twitter post indicate guesses such as Eating Raoul, Vamp and Flesh for Frankenstein.
We all know that Joe Bob likes to keep us guessing, so tune in on Friday to find out which films we will all be talking about come Saturday!