Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things: Zombie Life Lessons

Bob Clarks’ ‘Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things’ One-Sheet- Courtesy of Geneni Film Distributors

Some Books Should Not Be Read

Reading is fundamental. However, I beg to differ. In Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things, one of the main characters named Alan (why is it always the guy whose name begins with an A?) reads from the Grimoire. For the uninitiated, the Grimoire is a spell casting book with an entire chapter on raising the dead — This just keeps getting better and better. Of course, Alan can’t help himself. He starts reading aloud and that is when the party begins. This is Ash before Evil Dead. If someone hands you a book that’s full of colorful illustrations with phrases like, “I summon thee,” maybe you should just take a pass and not read the rest of the paragraph. The outcome will not be a happily ever after scenario, trust me.

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Cardio And Strength Training Is Important

Okay. So, you don’t need a horror film to remind you of the importance of exercising on a regular basis. In these movies, there’s always some face-off between the zombie or demon and a main character. Usually these skirmishes involve death defying jumps while wielding some sort of weaponry. It’s critical that you’re able to hold your own in any situation. You never know when you might have to bust a move on a creature from the afterworld. I mean, it could happen. 

Stop Screaming

Seriously, people! This never helps the situation. We get it. These zombies are frightening! They have terrible breath. Their skin is falling off. The louder you scream, the more agitated they become, and we all know what happens next. You become infected or dead. These “creepazoids” from 1972 only have one speed and that’s slow. You could quietly walk out of the room or do a light jog but no, you stand there and just scream. Thanks to you, B-movie actress whose name I can’t remember, I have a headache. Now, I want these zombies to win.

Learn When To Say “No!”

Everyone has their limits. This whole bad trip to the island of murderers in Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things could be avoided if someone would have said, “Uh, this sounds like an incredibly bad idea. I really don’t want to raise the dead so I am going to say no.” No is an easy word to say. Plus, it has a great sound. Practice saying it a few times.

Next: Rob: The Most Anti-Climactic Hero in ‘Friday the 13th’ History

In honor of Friday the 13th, watch your favorite horror film. The lessons you learn may be surprising.

Love Bob Clark’s ‘Children Should’t Play with Dead Things’? Watching horror this Friday? Let the other Chilling Children know how you’re celebrating in the comment section below.