It Never Came: When Bad Films Don’t Live Up to Their Good Names
By David Lloyd
I enjoy a good scary movie as much as the next horrorphile. But what really “Grinds My Gears”is when movies refuse to live up to their title.
Disclaimer: The following contains both spoilers for It Comes at Night and many uses of the word IT. But by no means does this article have anything to do with the movies.
Cujo, for instance, is a great film about a family dog infected with rabies that viciously attacks his family — It lived up to his name. An American Werewolf In London turned an American tourist into a ravaging beast hunting the streets of London — It lived up to its name.
I’ll give you one more example and then we can get on with my tale of woe. Let’s see, I need a really good one this time…how about an oldie but goodie, ah yes, The Stuff!
Everybody loves tasty treats like ice cream, cookies, and cake. But how about a treat so delicious, it bubbles up from the ground like crude oil. So mysterious, and even more so delicious, that the best way to describe it was as, stuff.
If you ate too much of it, your body would crave more and you’d eventually eat yourself into a frenzy. Then your insides would dissolve and expel itself from your lifeless husk, returning to the main source. And yet, this unknown treat lived up to its name. Plus it has Garrett Morris in it, so yeah go see it. But I digress.
What I’m getting at here is the fact that horror movie titles are supposed to, grab us. And when it does it’s supposed to hold on like a deranged lunatic. Granted, not all movies live up to their titles and this one, in particular, wasn’t even in the ballpark.
IT Never Came
It Comes at Night’ — Courtesy of A24
It Comes At Night had me waiting one hour, 31 minutes, and 46 seconds for “IT” to come. The closest I got was within the first eleven minutes of the film — the beginning looked very promising. Unknown disease, remote location, contaminated man gets shot and I’m thinking zombie flick. NOT. EVEN. CLOSE.
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The first time you think it comes turns out to be nothing more than some dude (Will) breaking in, seeking shelter and supplies for his wife and young son. Grudgingly, the man of the house (Paul) helps him find his family and brings them back to the shelter.
The young family ends up getting sick from the unknown non-zombie virus and both families try killing each other to survive — each other and the virus. Four of the six people are dead and STILL NO IT!!!
To say the least, I was very highly, greatly and deeply disappointed when the credits began to roll; and yet relieved. I forced myself to watch the remainder of this film even though I knew nothing was coming. Hoping against hope with no satisfaction, only the regret that I’d picked a terrible film to watch. But lucky for you, I’ve bared that burden and now you know what to expect if you dare to curl up with this film.
If you are eager for an it, go see the Stephen King films or watch an episode of The Addams Family (no, not those god-awful movies), or better yet ,take a look of the three films I mentioned earlier. If you haven’t seen them, check them out, and if you have, revisit them — you won’t be disappointed. Until next time, Auf Wiedersehen.
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