Ash vs Evil Dead: Ash gives us the lowdown on college and giant statues?

STARZ in their series of brilliantly funny promos for Ash vs Evil Dead now has the chainsaw handed hero speaking to us about putting kids through college? This we have to hear….

“Kids! They are just impossible to control!” – Mr. MacAfee from the musical Bye, Bye, Birdie

How to Save Money – The Ash Williams Way

In another sidesplitting STARZ promo for Ash vs Evil Dead, newly christened hometown hero, Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell), gives parents advice on teenagers getting ready to go to college. Of course, he knows what he’s talking about, right?

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Thus far, Ash and his infinite wisdom have told us about how to handle teenagers, how to have that critical birds and bees talks with our spawn and now what to do when our kids ask about college. Whomever wrote these spots definitely gets Campbell’s character!

This round we learn college is for “losers.” I mean, look at Ash! He’s living the dream. Owning his deceased Dad’s hardware store and sex emporium while every gal in town wants to touch his chainsaw. Sure, it doesn’t get much better than that.

Okay. So, if we don’t send our kids to college, what else can we do for them? Well, we could get them a library card, a year’s supply of beer (preferably Shemp’s) and a membership to some dating site.

This is PERFECT advice. Does anyone go to the library anymore? Maybe in lieu of that idea, how about hooking your kid up with wi-fi from your neighbors for “educational” purposes on the down low? That way they could have all the knowledge in the world at their fingertips on someone else’s dime.

A year’s supply of beer seems reasonable. If eighteen is old enough to vote, it’s old enough to learn how to deal with hangovers! The idea of the membership to a dating site is great or since eighteen is old enough, maybe you get them access into all those “special” sites, if you catch my drift.

Spend That Extra Cash

Now that you have heard Ash’s full proof plan for saving cash since the kids won’t be going to college, what will you do with all those spare greenbacks? Of course, he has a suggestion!

Who doesn’t need a giant statue of themselves? This is wonderful. You could put it on the front lawn or maybe if you are enterprising, turn it into a fountain. Classy idea!

Check out the STARZ promo below:

Ash vs Evil Dead Season 3 debuts on STARZ on February 25 at 9 p.m.

Next: Ash vs Evil Dead: Papa Ash gives the “sex” talk

What did you think about Ash’s tips for saving college money? Feel free to share your opinions in the comment section below. We want to hear from you.