Pop Culture Clash 2: Jersey Shore at Camp Crystal Lake


Snooki and crew work as counselors in New Jersey’s creepiest campsite when The Jersey Shore meets Friday the 13th in our second pop culture clash.

With another Friday the 13th upon us, it’s only logical Jason Voorhees would be the topic of our next Pop Culture Clash. Joining him is Snooki and her crew from MTV’s Jersey Shore. This is one Friday the 13th they’ll be too drunk to remember.

Check out Crystal Lake’s new batch of counselors: Snooki, JWoww, Vinny, Pauly D, Ronnie, Sammi Sweetheart, The Situation and Deena. “I’m going to Crystal Lake, bitch!” a clumsy Snooki exclaims. The gang pack up and leave their tanning beds and cellular devices for the legendary murder camp’s grand reopening.

They have until Monday the 15th to get the camp up and running, but realizing they’ll have to deal with children for the summer, they decide to push the cleaning back until Sunday. To celebrate their televised reunion, they head over to the Casino Bar (seen only in Friday the 13th part 2).

It’s there that the inevitable ensues: Deena Jersey Turnpikes strangers to the Friday the 13th Part 3 theme, Sammi gets angry that Ronnie is talking to a bartender, Pauly D is trying to convince the manager to let him DJ Saturday night, Snooki falls down somewhere and screams for JWoww, who’s peeing behind a jukebox, and Vinny believes he’s in love with whatever chick The Situation is creeping on. Eventually they get kicked out and told not to come back — ever. JWoww angrily threatens to punch the manager square in the face as she storms out.

Back at the camp, Snooki snacks on a pickle and everyone else just kind of does their own thing. “Who is Mason Norris?” Deena asks, slurring her words. “Did he really go around killing people with a football helmet?”

“No idiot,” Ronnie snaps, “he didn’t kill people with a helmet, he wore a helmet while he killed them. It happened at this camp like, one hundred years ago.” Suddenly Mike’s body comes CRASHING through the window. Snooki cusses him out for not using the front door until she realizes something’s terribly wrong here. At first they blame each other; kicking, punching and screaming, eventually agreeing that Angelina is stalking them.

Jason’s undoubtedly annoyed, storming out of the shadows without falter. There’s a lengthy chase scene that ends with the group splitting up. We get some interesting insight from the counselors — none of which is particularly clever. Snooki thinks Jason’s mad because he’s never been in love and doesn’t have a tan. She also wonders if he’s Italian. Ronnie ditches Sammi after she insists he’s the bartender’s boyfriend from earlier that night. Vinny and Pauly D, on the other hand, find a canoe and try to get away. They end up stuck on a rock in the middle of the lake.

Deena still doesn’t know what’s going on, abandoned by her roommates in the cabin. She just dances around, humming the disco theme, having loved it so much in the bar. Before being dismembered, she tries grinding up against Jason. He doesn’t know what to make of it.

JWoww comes across a dingy trailer, figuring it looks like a decent place to venture into. She stumbles upon the decayed, skeletal remains of Pamela Voorhees’ head. Before doing anything else, she makes some ridiculous joke about her old sweater and how she literally looks “fresh to death”.

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan — Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

Sammi trips over Ronnie’s body and, despite the lack of movement, she continues to criticize him. “Why are you just laying there, hello? You never listen to me, Ronnie. I’m done, you’re dead to me.” This leads to Sammi’s demise, as she screams at Ronnie so loudly, she can’t here Jason sneak up behind her.

Pauly and Vinny try to get the canoe unstuck, not realizing Jason has walked into the water and is approaching them from beneath. After a brief struggle, Jason tosses them into the lake. Pauly’s hair still kept in place by the extreme use of gel.

JWoww shows up, not only filthy from the dusty, rusty trailer; but also wearing Pamela’s sweatshirt. She figures that, since she has a maternal presence in Snooki’s life, she could convince another psycho to listen to her. In between every other cuss word, her affection seemed genuine to the man behind the mask. After a lengthy, offensive lecture and a brief butt-kicking, JWoww tells Jason she’s leaving and not to follow her. Once she gets down the road from the Camp Crystal Lake sign, she ditches the sweater, mumbling something about needing another drink.

More from Friday the 13th

Injured from JWoww’s attack, Jason stumbles back into the water. He stays down for several minutes before pushing himself into the bloody canoe. He sits up, trying to catch his breath. That’s when SURPRISE! Snooki comes popping up out of the lake, causing Jason to fall backwards out of the canoe.

Jason sits straight up, safe in his bed. He quick turns his head every which way, making sure the ghost is clear. He realizes, ‘Wait a minute, the TV’s on.’ No one has been there in weeks. All he knew was, the scary people from his nightmare were dancing on television in front of him. It was then he realized, Spectrum has yet again given overpriced cable to the wrong address.

It’s a Pop Culture Clash as shameless as that cash grab, Jason X. Still, having some Jason is better than not having any Jason at all, am I right? It may take a long while before we get to see what Jason has been up to, but rest assured, he’s out there. Happy Friday the 13th.

Next: Friday the 13th: How the next movie should be

Fan of the Friday the 13th? Looking forward to the day The Jersey Shore meets Jason Voorhees? Let the other camp counselors know what you think in the comment section below.