Texas Tuesday: What if The Texas Chainsaw Massacre clan were vegan?


While we know the Texas Chainsaw Massacre clan as blood thirsty cannibals, what if that weren’t the case. What if the prowling pack were vegan?

Leatherface and his band of munching misfits love them some human meat. But what if they were vegan?

Texas Blood Food

Since 1974, Leatherface and the Sawyer clan have been dining on the innocent. After Sally Hardesty became the only survivor in Tobe Hooper’s iconic The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the Texans have ravaged on human meat for decades. It’s like Leatherface is Popeye — and his spinach is flesh.

But what if the crazy clan were different? Instead of living on the lives of lost travelers, what if they were vegan instead. I’m talking just as crazy, but carrying chainsaws rushing on every vitamin in existence. Since it’s Texas Tuesday, I can’t seem to shake thinking how the history of horror would be different if the Sawyers had a more plant-based diet.

— Courtesy of Vortex

The Texas Grainsaw Massacre

More from Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Just imagine it, the Sawyers still being psychos while maintaining a strict diet. Like Drayton Sawyer says in the classic original sequel, they would be one of those health food bunches. Waiting until the darkest night, I can see the group chopping down unsuspecting people’s gardens while shrinking in delight.

In his usual creepy creative self, Bubba taking corn, devouring the vegetable and using the skin as his new face. While not as scary, Cornface is still a terrifying idea….especially if there’s no butter. Also, is it just me or does imagining the clan tying a tomato plant to a chair and making it watch them eat tomato soup just the kind of twisted only the Sawyers can pull off.

Still Murder In The South

But don’t think “The Texas Grainsaw Massacre” is without human casualties. Since these are still insane savages, the Sawyers will go to extreme lengths to get their vegan goods. I imagine they’d kill local shop owners for the all the fruits, veggies and tofu, Leatherface…I mean Cornface using his chainsaw to cut it all up upon returning home. I’m getting hungry just thinking about it.

This has been another edition of Texas Tuesday. We’ll see you next week down some dark, dingy road.

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Fan of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series? Think the Sawyers should have gone vegan? Let the other crazy cannibals know what you think in the comment section below.